Another Day of Manic Phase

I’m on a manic episode now and I’ll tell you about what happened when I was high.

I took my medication, but in reality, I didn’t really take it. I mean I consumed it, but I skipped it sometimes. The side effects really affected me.

But I think it helps me to cope with the high itself. I became more impulsive, I knew what I did is maybe harmful, not only for me but it might also hurt someone else that’s why I need the medicines to stabilize my mood.

I don’t know if it was the effect of skipping the medication, but when I did it, I ran wild. Last month, I deactivated my Instagram account, but yesterday I reactivated it just because I got bored when I was waiting for my friends. I know it was an awful reason, but it had already occurred. I posted too often in one day and those were not supposed to be uploaded. I regret I allowed my friend to post me in their Story. I hated it when our friends commented on their posts but I was disappointed if they were not giving any responses. But what I hate the most is I hate myself for being like that.

It’s not the worst part of me being manic, the other case is I literally purchased everything at the first sight, like everything I saw.

In this post, I would like to give some stuff I got only in 2 days. Here we go…

It was yesterday. I never thought my very first album purchased would be this one instead of K-Pop.

My mom kind of wanted to redecorate the living room, so at 12 P.M which is at the day, we decided to go out looking for this those cactuses.

Unexpected purchase. it was because we were supposed to buy the real plant, not the imitation one.

Another unexpected purchase, because we got the best price. That was all.

I named this things handlers because it was supposed to handle the tooth kit in the bathroom. But turned out it didn’t work well.

There were also other things, but I didn’t capture them on my phone.

I can’t say if I regret buying all of these or not, but it was kind of weird considering I didn’t really need this kind of stuff.

I know I have to control this condition, it eventually will occupy me if I stay still or always let the mood control me. If it ended up like the thing I don’t wish I would feel before, this kind of manic episode is not even better than the depressing one.

Maybe writing is the one of few things I can do to overcome or to lessen this ‘not so cool’ phase, so I’ll continue. It’s fun honestly, becoming my true self when everyone I know is clueless about this side of myself. Not to mention I was that precious to them, I know I was nothing to most of my colleagues, but it’s still fun here. I feel like, there’s someone who’s hearing my story. I felt so heard.